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Funny Grasshopper jokes, Hilarious Grasshopper jokes for kids |
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What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together ?
Chimney Cricket ! What is a grasshopper ? An insect on a pogo stick ! What is green and can jump a mile in a minute ? A grasshopper with hiccups ! What do you call a grasshopper with no legs ? A grasshover ! Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket ? Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can't play grasshopper ! A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"? Why would you swallow a grasshopper? So you could have internal locust of control. A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bar tender says to him, "Hey we have drink named after you." The grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Murry?" A Texan was riding a cab in Sidney. He and the driver are soon crossing the Sydney Harbor bridge, and the passenger is unimpressed -- "I have a duck pond bigger than that harbor, and an ornamental bridge to span it that makes this look like a toy." The Sydney-Newcastle expressway also gets his scorn -- "Is this a road, or a track?" So when a kangaroo jumped out in front of the cab, causing the sudden and severe application of the brakes, the driver couldn't help himself -- "Stupid grasshoppers!" One minister was teaching a fifth grade Sunday School class about the life of John. He told how John had lived in the wilderness with little or nothing to eat. He commented that John had eaten only honey and locusts. A little girl asked what locusts are. The minister said, "A locust is a grasshopper." The little girl said, "Oh, my grandmother drinks those." "No, Grasshopper! Carry Hibachi by HANDLES!" - Master Po "Grasshopper always wrong in argument with chicken." -- Book of Chan "All of life is a series of leaps, for us grasshoppers." – Joseph God, Grasshoppers, and the Pope Catholics, I need not say, are about as likely to call the Pope God as to call a grasshopper the Pope. G.K. Chesterton {The Thing, NY: Sheed & Ward, 1929, p. 243} May 19, 1999: Death is the price paid to have trees and clams and birds and grasshoppers, and death is the price paid to have human consciousness. (Ursula Goodenough) Trinkle did not possess a legal mind. He was a mental grasshopper, an intellectual kangaroo, a mind wallaby. [from Beyond the Void by Fanthorpe, Robert L(ionel) (1935-) writing as John E. Muller] Jackson had a grasshopper mind compared to Johnny Malone, and there was, he considered, more ways than one to kill a cat, even if it did appear to have nine lives...[from The Other Driver by Fanthorpe, Robert L(ionel) (1935-) writing as Pel Torro] One hundred trout are needed to support one man for a year. The trout, in turn, must consume 90,000 frogs, that must consume 27 million grasshoppers that live off of 1,000 tons of grass. -G. Tyler Miller, Jr. |
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